Indeed we belong to Allah and to Him we shall return

I still remember the knee length hair of my grandmother. She used to wash them with amla (gooseberry) and reetha (soap nuts). I even remember that green plastic bowl in which she used to put those herbs soaked in I don’t know what; the fragrance of that mixture is still vivid in my memory.

She is the one who taught me to recite Quran, I, not knowing this by doing so she made it sure that one day I will be reciting it for her.

It’s been 18 years since she got a first paralysis attack. Her death was not unexpected as she was severely ill from past six months but the fact that one day she will leave the world never occurred to me. Her demise was my first encounter with death. And I came to realize that death is not an end of life but it is a start of a new eternal life; where the value of food, clothes, money cease and all you need is your good deeds (of the mortal world) and the prayers of your loved ones (after your death).

When my aunt asked me, “Would you like to come with me to give her final bath?” I replied in affirmative. Standing inside Edhi Morgue, I first time tremble with the fear of death. I saw my grandmother coming out of cold storage not as a living human being but as a dead body. I never ever have thought that one day I will look her wrapped in a white cloth. Seeing a dead body or touching it always sounded creepy to me. However, performing the final rites of my grandmother made me realize that I know so little of it. Being a Muslim, I did know about the Judgment Day but I have not pondered over it. Admitting and accepting something is different and having a firm belief and faith in something is entirely a different entity.

The death of my grandmother not only left me mournful but taught me some very big lessons of life.

• Today, she is lying there in a sink being washed by her loved ones. Soon, one day, I will be lying there too. And people will be performing my final rites.
• No matter how much money I spend on my clothes and shoes, on my final journey, I will be wrapped in an ordinary five-piece shroud.
• A big chunk of property which my grandfather had left for her was of no use when she was struggling for breath. All the wealth that my grandmother had was left for her heirs. All the stuff which I am hoarding will be of no use for me too. I will go empty handed.
• On returning to our Lord, only our good deeds will be with us. I have wasted my whole life after running the worldly goods and if death comes for me right now I have nothing in store for the eternal journey.
• Descendants are Sadqa-e-Jariah (the charity that is a permanent source of Divine reward for the giver). Invest in the religious education of your children so that after your departure they can pray for your forgiveness.
• Death should not be a hush-hush topic, it should be discussed so that we must not forget that this life is ephemeral. It not only brings people closer to the Almighty but also the faith on the Day of Reckoning becomes stronger. Try to attend the funeral of the persons known unknown so that when you die in return people attend yours, and pray for your forgiveness.
• Life is too short; love all, hate none.

It’s not 24 hours yet till we buried her under tons of dirt, and I am in my office pouring my heart out; already have busied myself in the daily routine. Staying at home and mourning will not going to make any difference to her. The only good I can do for her is by asking the mercy of Allah upon her and praying for her forgiveness.

I request all the readers who by any chance come across this writing, please remember my grandmother in your prayers.

My Life, the way I see it…

2016!

So I wanted to write something for a long time; a little write up on the Blessings and Hopes for the future, or a note on a New Year Resolution. But because of my busy schedule and a little laziness, I was unable to do so.

It’s May and finally, I am writing about 2016 (ahan! The special year): my blessings of today, hopes for the future and reminisce of the past decade. This year I am going to turn “30”. Oh! The big number. I used to dread this number when I was in my early twenties. I used to think that at thirty people get old. But TA-DA I am not! I do not feel it. I feel younger, smarter and more energetic. I am more enthusiastic and feel comfortable.

The past decade was a roller coaster ride, with ups and downs and lots of bumps. A lot of time I shrieked with joy and at others I lamented profusely. Where the early twenties was a time to experience girlhood, university, and new hobbies; the late twenties was particularly revolved around learning. Now when I look  back and contemplate, I find that I am a better person today than yesterday and have come a long way. The matters of the early twenties, which at that time were matters of life and death, seem a mere joke. I laugh at them and think what a fool I was! But then I feel this is how things were written. I am happy because I experienced things as they came into my way. I was honest and have never cheated. Whether it was my school or university, I enjoyed my each ‘age’. I bunked classes, I wandered aimlessly with friends, I had crushes, I spent sleepless nights in reading novels and listening FM, I was a diehard fan of Shahrukh Khan, I was a music lover; wasted a huge amount of money on cassettes, I played —cricket, badminton, Oonch Neech, Baraf Pani, Langri Pala and all the other games that the kids of 80s used to play, I smoked, I prayed, I cried, I laughed, I loved, and most importantly I lived and I am living.

So far I have learnt:

• I am a very different person from people around me because my fingerprints are unique, so is my smile, and so is my attitude. I respect people for their individuality and I expect same from others.

• The notion of secrecy of periods or sex NOW does not bother me at all. I consider all these taboo things highly natural and nothing to be ashamed of to discuss, as human beings are by default born with this (except some; my review on Fire is a living proof of this). If somebody  thinks that the literature or the movies or my independence has spoiled me… alright! If someone thinks I have a feminist approach, I have. If someone thinks that I am ultramodern, I am. Why do you care so much about me?

• Eventually, I have realised that during the journey of life some people boarded your bus and some left. Some come into your life as a blessing and some to teach you a lesson. I have let go many acquaintances and toxic people; nonetheless, I have ended up with two or three people to whom I can call friends. And this feels good!

• I do not regret about anything. I strongly believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason. It is He Who plans. He is the Master Planner. We can only desire; things will occur on His commands and on His wishes. Therefore, I have stopped being crazy about the things which I cannot change. I just ask for His Forgiveness and His Mercy.

• I have complete faith in the theory of Karma. Therefore, I try to do nice things (though many times I fail). When something bad happens, I just turn towards Allah. He is all Seeing, all Hearing, and all Knowing. Talking to Him makes things easier for me and I leave everything to Him.

• I do not take my life for granted. That is because I have been through times when I felt like I wouldn’t be able to see the light of the next day… but I survived (meh.). And these hard times made me appreciate the beauty of the ephemeral life and admire whatever the blessings I have.

• I have started taking care of my time. I firmly believe that I am sent into this world for a purpose and my time is very precious. I have so much on my plate Alhamdolillah! I am a multi-talented person and capable of doing many things (it is a matter of fact; not blowing my own trumpet) therefore I try to invest my time in the activities from which I can make a difference.

• In bad times, I keep repeating this: This shall pass too… it gives me a little courage and hope for the future. If bad times do not last longer so will the good time, therefore I try hard to do good deeds and thank Allah for all the blessings He bestowed upon me.

• Though I do not feel like or, seems like I am aging but it’s very natural, I am aging. I pay a short visit to a spa every month to rejuvenate and relax because I matter for myself. I try to eat healthy for staying fit and fresh (hahaha… what a joke!). And firmly believe that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

• Finally, I have learnt the art of saving money. I have money to eat whatever I like, and buy whatever the clothing brand I like. I have sufficient amount to buy a new gadget/laptop and adequate amount to travel.

• One of the best of the best ayahs that I recite more than anything else is:

انا للہ و انا الیہ راجعون

Indeed we belong to Allah and to Him we shall return.

The best thing that happened to me was Karwan e Urdu.

The worst thing that happened to me was… I don’t want to pen it down.

The thing that made me exhilarated was the promotion from the Coordinator to the Editor and then to the Deputy Manager.

The last ten years are really significant in my life and I think I will never forget these years. During these years, I got my first job, my first paycheck, oh yeah first kiss, first phone, read world’s best literature, became an entrepreneur; started epic,  joined IBA, dined in the country’s top restaurants, and I stumbled and failed a lot of times.

Life is not as bad as it sometimes feels. We all have our mood swings, Monday Blues and No Money Days. We all experience meltdowns. But what’s important is we believe, we trust and we go on.